Who carries all the President’s secrets?

President Bush visited Tucson earlier this month. He landed at Davis Monthan Airforce Base and quickly jumped into a waiting limo and was whisked off to a resort for an overnight stay. I noticed the president did not linger on the tarmac, nor did he stop to grab his luggage. I know. I know. POTUS doesn’t have to carry his own luggage; he probably doesn’t even pack his own bags. But the image on the TV did make me wonder--who is responsible for packing the president’s underwear?

Presidential road trips require a lot of packing, from khakis and tuxedos to a toothbrush and deodorant. And underwear. So who is this mysterious person who packs the president’s personal items? A safe bet would probably be the president’s personal butler. If that is even the correct title. This person has the awesome responsibility of ensuring the president does not have to free ball it. At least if he doesn’t want to. There must be some type of class in butler school that outlines how an employer’s undergarments should be handled. Can you imagine a stout man in a English accent lecturing his pupils about the trust that handling one’s delicates require and the correct way to fold the underwear to allow maximum space in the suitcase. And the job doesn’t end there.

“Finally,“ the professor says, “discretion is the motto we live by.” So not only does the president’s butler have to pass a brutal background check to get a security clearance but he also has to take it to his grave whether the president’s skivies have skids. Skip talking to Karl Rove and Condi Rice. Talk to the butler. He knows all the shit that happens at the White House.